Because Once Upon a Time, I loved you.

This is an uncommon love letter: a love letter in reverse.

I have held on for so long with strong grasps from tiny hands.  Memories, moments, words, letters, and incomplete promises tangled in between fingers of clenched fists.  I squeezed tighter and tighter trying to find a drop of reason or purpose for what broke.  And through the long ago blame and the long ago anger, I find that what remains are beautiful scraps of long ago loves.

Fault had constantly teetered and tottered with ownership, but now lies still and dormant because fault has no purpose.  Blame only ignites anger and sadness.  I want neither.  Instead I want to remember all of you with kindness and respect.

Because once upon a time, I loved you.

I loved you with every ounce of my heart and soul.  At that moment, our moment, we were what each other wanted more than anything in this world.  We had everything together, in our moment, in our time.  We were real to me.

While photographs, trinkets, and letters still lie in untouched, dusty boxes (since our last fateful day), remnants of once prized possessions are now mementos of an ever changing journey.  And when I come across them in future years, I’ll smile at the memories and the happiness they once brought me.

Because once upon a time, I loved you.

Happiness is a constant journey, sometimes low and sometimes high, leading to different places, different people, different things.  I don’t want the negativity of what broke so long ago.  It’s a possession I care not to own. I once sat in sorrow over the past—wanting somehow to change events, emotions, and behaviors.  But what I want most is to be grateful for our time and learn from our mistakes.  The past is like a chapter already read, already written.  There is no changing what is already done.

Because the truth is that you all were signs pointing me towards a destination, letting me stay for a while and rest my traveling feet. And then you let me go- sometimes with understanding, most times with sadness, but never the less you let me go, knowing that we were only a stop along each other’s journeys.  And now I send you light and love to travel with along your own path.

Because once upon a time, I loved you.

I am happy and I hope you are happy too.  And now I let go, unclenching my fists, opening my hands, allowing myself to continue my own road.  We all have stops to make along our adventures.  I hope you remember me with kindness and love.  And know that I will think of you from time to time and wonder how you are and hoping you are living the lives you have all dreamed of.

Because once upon a time, I loved you.


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